New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
All right, New Rule: If you forgot to buy Halloween candy, just say so. Don't hand out random crap from your kitchen. Last year, there was a guy on our block who was handing out batteries and mini-packets of soy sauce. I got so pissed, I had half a mind to poke him in the eye with my fairy wand. [photo-shopped photo of Maher in fairy costume]
-- Bill Maher